A New Year's Resolution
1. Be less superficial in my interactions with people.
2. Be a safe place for others to do the same.
I hope I am able to articulate succinctly what is in my head and my heart. I feel strongly about this. I had an epiphany the other day. The names have been changed to protect those who I didn't ask permission to tell their part of the story. It took place kind of like this.
I was at school substituting a delightful group of 1st graders for Mrs. Z. It was the end of the day. Carpool. I am standing outside watching parents come and pick up their children. I was standing next to another 1st grade class taught by a teacher who I consider a friend. Our kids have gone to school together for years. We have 3 children the same ages. Despite their growing up, graduation, and different college and career paths, our children are friends.
As we stood there, we started chatting about our kids. How are they? How are they liking school? So you have a wedding coming up? Where is so and so now? Is she liking it? and so on ... Normal pleasantries. Same conversation I have with half a dozen people every few weeks. Sometimes the same people.
Thing is - one of my kids, whom I spoke so casually and superficially about, is actually having a problem that has been on my mind a lot lately. One of those kids and I had a heart to heart a few days ago where we brainstormed ideas as to how to overcome a problem that perhaps 100's of college students living on their own, away from home, friends and family might be having. It's not a problem that is embarrassing or too personal to share. It is about loneliness and feeling isolated. It's about the difficulty in making friends. It's about how when you don't have regular interaction with other people, you don't receive any validation about your self-worth. It's about insecurity. It's about confidence. It's about what we have been calling social capital. It's about being alone in a room with 10 people who are all looking at their screens. It's about so many things. What I realized in our brainstorming was that it is the same for kids and adults alike. We need connection.
Maybe if I had taken the same 5 minutes I used to answer her superficially, and talked to my friend about the problem that had been on my mind, she could have offered some advice. Maybe she has had kids who have worked through something similar. Maybe their family has had similar observations. Maybe we could have made a 5 minute connection. Connecting doesn't require a lot of time. It requires us to be present and intentional. It requires reciprocity and cooperation. You know, we don't need to bowl alone.
2. Be a safe place for others to do the same.
I hope I am able to articulate succinctly what is in my head and my heart. I feel strongly about this. I had an epiphany the other day. The names have been changed to protect those who I didn't ask permission to tell their part of the story. It took place kind of like this.
I was at school substituting a delightful group of 1st graders for Mrs. Z. It was the end of the day. Carpool. I am standing outside watching parents come and pick up their children. I was standing next to another 1st grade class taught by a teacher who I consider a friend. Our kids have gone to school together for years. We have 3 children the same ages. Despite their growing up, graduation, and different college and career paths, our children are friends.
As we stood there, we started chatting about our kids. How are they? How are they liking school? So you have a wedding coming up? Where is so and so now? Is she liking it? and so on ... Normal pleasantries. Same conversation I have with half a dozen people every few weeks. Sometimes the same people.
Thing is - one of my kids, whom I spoke so casually and superficially about, is actually having a problem that has been on my mind a lot lately. One of those kids and I had a heart to heart a few days ago where we brainstormed ideas as to how to overcome a problem that perhaps 100's of college students living on their own, away from home, friends and family might be having. It's not a problem that is embarrassing or too personal to share. It is about loneliness and feeling isolated. It's about the difficulty in making friends. It's about how when you don't have regular interaction with other people, you don't receive any validation about your self-worth. It's about insecurity. It's about confidence. It's about what we have been calling social capital. It's about being alone in a room with 10 people who are all looking at their screens. It's about so many things. What I realized in our brainstorming was that it is the same for kids and adults alike. We need connection.
Maybe if I had taken the same 5 minutes I used to answer her superficially, and talked to my friend about the problem that had been on my mind, she could have offered some advice. Maybe she has had kids who have worked through something similar. Maybe their family has had similar observations. Maybe we could have made a 5 minute connection. Connecting doesn't require a lot of time. It requires us to be present and intentional. It requires reciprocity and cooperation. You know, we don't need to bowl alone.
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