A Mother's Day Letter to My Kids

-
Dear all of you,

Last year I had a thought or impression, maybe. I felt like I wanted to send you guys a letter to tell you my thoughts about Mother's Day. Well the day, week, month and year came and went, and I never did. This year, same impression. This time I'm responding to that impression. 

My path to motherhood was slightly different than most. Four kids within a few weeks of being married and then 5 of my own. Mothering is hard work. And strangely, nobody bothers to actually tell you how hard it is. Mothering is also the most rewarding thing I can think of ever doing. 

I used to hate Mother's Day. It's not uncommon. Gather 20 mothers together, ask them to discuss mother's day and I would be willing to bet more than 1/2 of them hate it. The reasons vary. We are all different. 

I could drone on and list the reasons I "hated" mother's day. They were all selfish and self-pitying. Therefore, not worth mentioning. Those of you who are mothers have your own reasons, those who will be mothers will have yours. You dear husbands/fathers and soon to be husbands/fathers might be as good as mine and look at you and take you to task. Men, be sensitive while you are doing the taking to task. It's a difficult time for mothers, you know the mothering years. 

Well, one day the Lord gave me an epiphany. Maybe He gave it to me through Dad, but whatever. It changed my perspective. Now, maybe it didn't take hold right away, and maybe, just maybe (read 'probably') I still had a few pity-party mother's days, but in time, it honestly changed me. 

Expectation and perspective are everything and nothing. If I have expectations for a specific kind of Mother's Day (insert your own idyllic dreams here) and they don't come to fruition, I am sad, frustrated, angry, resentful, etc. Not a single Godly word there, huh? If my perspective is that Mother's Day is about people honoring me, and it isn't done "well enough" (seriously, who thinks like that? Me!) then I am full of self pity. It was/is ugly. Those are ugly emotions that turn into ugly behaviors. It has the potential to make everybody miserable. 

The epiphany I was given that day was that Mother's Day WAS about me, but in a different way that I thought. It was about MY role as a mother and the complete and full joy I get out of that sacred work. It was about loving you guys for giving me the opportunity to be a mother. I have done wonderful things as a mother. I have done terrible things as a mother. I have been fully engaged, and completely burned out. I have loved completely, and I have had to force daily tolerance. I have experienced profound joy, and overpowering heartbreak. I AM a mother. 

Mother's Day is for ME and it is for YOU. It is my day (like I can't do it every other day) to truly give thanks for the gift God gave me to be your mother. ALL OF YOU!! It provides me the opportunity to serve. It provides me the opportunity to learn the "ins" and "outs" of becoming a better person. I get to learn from you all every single day. Thank you. Thank you.

This Mother's Day (or a few days later) I want to thank you for your ongoing gift of being my children --  suffering with me and tolerating me and allowing me to be your mother. 

I love you all.

Mom/Steph

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

So many thoughts

-
As a young 21 - 22 year old senior in college, I drove around in my VW Golf, with a sign taped onto the glove box that said  "YOU ARE IN CONTROL."  Well, my fiance, soon to be husband, used to tease me and tell me that I needed to give birth to a "litter."  He was of the view that I had the same Type A personality that a cat has.  In his experience, cats mellowed out after they had their first litter.  This is not scientific mind you, just anecdotal.   I didn't mellow out any time soon, as I am sure the 4 step-children we had custody of within the first 6 months of our marriage can attest to.  I didn't mellow out for a long, long time.  Too long, in fact.  Bless those 4 beautiful children who had to endure my obsession to control them.  Not to be misunderstood, there were A LOT of things that we needed to get a handle on and control was the only way to go about it.  But I took farther than was necessary or healthy.  "Little General" became my hu
Read more

Obituary

-
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the j
Read more

Sunday

-
Now that church starts at 9:00 and ends at 12:00; and all kids are above the age of 5; and I have given up the ridiculous guilt complex I used to impose on myself about "needing" to spend time with our family members, I can have a beautiful Sunday afternoon/evening. Chicken enchiladas and red beans and rice for "dinner" about 1:30, (with help from the hubby, of course) a little cleaning in the kitchen to wash all the pans and dishes I messed up, in bed for a nap around 2:30, sleep until 5:44 (YEA!) and I am one happy camper. Home evening around 6:15 - we reviewed our 2009 goals. What does it mean when most family members don't even remember what their goals were? Home evening treat and the Sunday is almost over. Four girls start school tomorrow after a 2 week long spring break. Yea, 2 WEEKS! It has been good. A little of this and a little of that.
Read more