I figured it out -

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I am a starter.  I am not a finisher.  First of all I am not really a project person to begin with.  I do not (at least not at this time in my life) find myself getting giddy over decorating, sewing, drawing, painting, creating, cleaning, sprucing, organizing, hanging, matching or any other thing that may fall into the "project"/"creative" category.  I have no vision.  I cannot see a white room with nothing in it, and visualize a finshed project with paint, carpet, furniture, bedding, draperies, pictures, and other finishing touches.  A blank canvas is pretty much always a blank canvas to me. I don't do any of that except out of necessity. Not to be misunderstood, I do get some satisfaction out of doing it, but therein lies the problem.  Ninety-nine percent of the time "doing it" means starting it -- not finishing it.  There is no satisfaction in starting.  In fact, it only creates more stress, makes me feel worse about myself and proves to my family I am a LOSER and that I cannot be relied upon to start and finish a project.  What kind of example?

I can put out fires.  I can do what needs to be done.  I can finish something if there is a deadline (a real deadline)! There are a very few things in my life that fall into the "must get done" category.  Everything else gets flittered and pittered.  I mean everything. This means undone projects. Decorating, organizing, cleaning, sewing, filing, posting, financing, maintaining you name it I have started it and subsequently abandoned it.  VERY. FRUSTRATING.  Here's the worst part.  I will actually find other "jobs" to do to excuse myself from completing the ones I started and don't want to finish.  I can clean the kitchen 3x a day if it means I don't have to finish cleaning the closet in the bathroom.   Can you imagine the cloud that hangs over my head?  The cloud of every undone thing, every unaccomplished task, every unfinished job waiting to pour down its torrential rains.

Well, now that that is off my chest.  I believe I need some "think" time.

Comments

Jacqui said…
Wow, can I totally relate. I am exactly the same! I used to have the project bug, but it's been squeezed out of me as more children and other stresses came into life. And now with this book...talk about STRESS, because I plan to finish the blankity-blank thing and I don't want it to be atrocious, either. The pressure, the PRESSURE!

Feel good in this: we get what needs to be done, done. YAY! Everything else isn't really necessary for day-to-day living, right? (I am SO justifying here.) I do love when I actually finish something and it makes life easier. Organized eludes me, but when I actually buckle down and DO it...wow, the payoff is terrific. Hmmm. You are not the only one in need of think time. I've been carrying around a little notebook all day today, jotting down ideas and re-working my life. We're talking major overhaul. I've seen it coming for awhile now.

Thanks for sharing. I have a deadline of 23 people coming for Thanksgiving, so I am off to get something--anything--done. Just know you are not alone! Procrastinators unite!
November 17, 2009 at 12:34 PM
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